What to look for

The world right now is looking increasingly larger, like one of those dreams where you stand at the end of a hall way and the other end is always stretching just out of reach. My one backpack is now layed out in the corner looking way too stuffed. Everything seems very surreal right now. I just told my best friend I'd see him in 3 months as if I were kryogenically freezing myself. I feel as if I'm entering into a new world. Perhaps this is what adulthood looks like. My whole life I've been teathered to something, feeling independant but never really living that way. My perception of life thus far has been that things eventually just work themselves out. I feel like this will have to change in the weeks to come.

I wonder how long exactly it'll take the idea to set in that this is not just some two week vacation; that from this moment on I'll actually have to make an effort to survive. What do people normally say when looking off the edge of the abyss? I think they say, "What the hell am I doing here??" I think I owe it to myself and everyone reading this to give myself a quick psychological analysis:

All my friends are getting married. Am I running away? Maybe I am...I'm not gunna lie, the whole idea of it chills me to the core of my bones. Two years ago you would not have heard that from me. I was ready then, and for some reason now I'm not. However, I'm quickly becoming "the only single guy in the room", and maybe the walls are closing in a little. Maybe the idea that people are moving on without me frightens me out of my mind. We all have to leave the nest some time. This is life. I'm looking for a little wisdom on this trip.

I'm also looking for strength. The times I remember feeling the most alive were the times it was hard to survive. Maybe this is why I let myself slide out of control down a busy street in a cardboard box. It's the thrill of danger that garnishes life like it was meant to be. i want to be known one day for my strength of heart, and my joy of living. I hope some times are heard so I can show that I held myself up. I want to be strong enough to support myself when I feel weak. I'd like to be a model to my grandchildren one day of how to grow up. I want to walk 10 miles in the snow up hill, both ways and with no shoes on.

I'm looking for faith. I want to trust in people. I have a hard time trusting people to be there for me when I need them. I have an even harder time trusting God. 99% of everything I've ever heard God say has been in one word, "Patience". I ask myself constantly, "what am I waiting for?" why do I wait for these people, or situations to come through for me? What does God have for me that I'm still sitting here waiting so intently? When an answer finally does come, it comes with a hundred other questions that all point back to the one word again: "Patience". So I'm looking for faith to trust God, to trust people and "patience" to keep my heart open.

I'm looking for adventure. I want to feel excited and energized by the world and all kinds of life! I want to see what few people have seen, and experience the ageless romance of cultures and architectures that look alien to me. I want some fast-paced action to counter what has mostly been purgatory these past couple years. I want to hear and feel and smell and taste the differences in countries and continents. I'm so excited to feel like I've been somewhere. I want to break the mold of my California Comrads, and see life outside the womb and watch the world as it turns.

I'm looking for Glory. I want with all my heart to be struck with utter amazement. I want to see "awesome" in it's literal sense. I want to feel so small next to something infinately big. I'm looking for life changing. I'm looking for astonishment. These are not easy things to look for, but I think I'm looking in the right direction. I know that this trip won't answer all my questions about life, and I know I should start this journey with a simple thesis and expectation, but I'd really like to be changed by this. I'd like this epic journey to lay the foundation for who I will become, and in time I'd like to look back on it as something that spurred a new beginning.



My hypothesis is that Ireland will be my favorite countryside. I will go on to love and always love Egypt. The alps will make me feel poetic, and the spanish beaches will feel like home to me. Cyprus will be the gem I never knew existed and almost skipped over when planning this trip. Italy will probably be my favorite country. Hungary will be really really cold, and Greece will be really really hot. Sweden will be expensive and make me miss home. My stay in Norway will feel way too short.

And so begins my epic journey...Please pray for me...I'll be in touch!