A Little Fall of Rain

This morning I woke up, and answered some emails I'd gotten during the night. Katherine had done some research, and figured out another way to Hungary, which didn't involve driving through Bosnia. She said that Split (which is a city just next to this one) has a train station in it which goes to Budapest through Zagreb (Croatia's Capital city). I can buy a cheap bus ticket here to get me to Split, and then use my Eurail Pass to go by train the rest of the way to Budapest. Going by train will also shorten the travel time substantially, so I won't be spending 20 hours in transit. I felt like this was a good plan, so immediately, I walked down to the bus station and ordered a ticket to Split for tomorrow at 8am.

After insuring my seat on the bus tomorrow, I decided to walk around the direction from the bus station that I hadn't gone yet, just to see what was over there. I walked along the road some distance, and found some cool little houses, a couple dirt roads, and a beautiful river running through the center. However, when I reached the city limit, I figured it was probably not a good idea to leave the city to keep walking, so I turned back.

The weather from Rijeka eventually caught up with me, and had covered the beautiful skies with looming clouds during the night, and by now it began to pour down that icy rain I'd known from earlier. Still, I walked on into the old city holding myself in my arms. I've grown so fond of the hat I've been wearing throughout this journey, which I'd bought in Edinburgh. It's been so good to me during the hard times of my trip. It provides perfect shade from the hot sun, and in the rain I've found that pointing my head slightly downward blocks the rain from my face like a shield. My head always seems to stay warm and dry since I've bought it, and that's proved to be so important. I've gone back and forth as to the fashion sense of it, but I like it, and I think it looks better on me than the beanie.

As I walked, I thought about how I was really actually enjoying myself being cold and wet, and nearly blown off the hill at times by the wind. I welcome a little turmoil. I think I've stated before how I tend to be a little masochistic when it comes to emotional hardships. I think its important to embrace the hard times as well as the easy. I honestly don't count myself a masochist. I think I'm someone who appreciates the value of pain. Pain is an entirely unique feeling, it's the ultimate priority sorter. When you're in pain, your animal instincts kick in and everything suddenly becomes very clear and simple. If you're cold enough, you will find some way to get warm; if you're hungry enough, you'll find something to eat. Your mind automatically prioritizes your life to what you need to survive. I think this is the reason masochists do what they do. I think they feel like every thing's so complicated, and they can't prioritize they're life. They put themselves in situations that are very simple to resolve (I.e. "Put down the knife"). Their brain puts everything together for them, leaving out the complicated, or extremely simplifying it. If it hurts, stop. Very simple. However, I also think that pain in the physical sense, or emotional makes it very easy to see the bright side of things. When everything seems bad, the good stands out especially. Pain falls into 3 different categories: Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual. Some people (we call them masochists) use physical pain to help them to feel something dramatic when their lives feel numb. There are a couple things that make a person truly "feel", Love is one of them, and pain is the other. Pain is the easiest to get to, because you can control it, you can inflict it. Love takes time to build, but usually lasts a lot longer. However, love is also very fragile at times. You can build it for years, and it may fall apart, and what are you left with? Pain. This is why, I think, pain is the preferred method of feeling. Not all people choose physical pain to heighten their sense of feeling, in fact it's not even the majority, not by a long shot. Emotional pain is what most people crave. Everyone who's ever sabotaged a relationship, or even just enjoyed a sad movie inflicts themselves with emotional pain in order to heighten their sense of reality. It's not always a bad thing. Pain is something that was meant to be embraced. When we feel pain, we bond ourselves to each other, because like it or not we all suffer sometimes. Like alcohol, it should be used as a social lubricant. We're able to relate to each other's pain, and share it, like sharing a drink. When you use it correctly, it humbles you, and allows you to see the world from a birds eye view. When you suffer, you learn to seek out compassion, and when you find someone who shows it to you, you learn to trust, and in trusting you learn to love. However, also like alcohol, it can easily be abused. When you lock yourself up, and focus only on the pain, all you will see is pain. Even though you may look for compassion, if you focus too much on the pain itself, you'll miss the love that someone may be trying to show you. I appreciate this pain I've often gone through because I've seen the compassion it leads me to. Trust me when I say, that doesn't mean I don't complain when I find myself in painful situations. In fact, I quite often lament these difficult times, but every time I find the littlest bit of relief; shelter from the rain, or someone to sit and talk with for a bit. I find myself feeling more connected to life, and seeking out the love that's so much more visible in the midst of suffering. We're pessimistic creatures by habit, but there's so much love out there if you look past your own pain, and use it relate to others who also suffer with you.

I walked all around the old city, and through the castle, taking shelter under the scaffolding in the alleyways, or in churches. As I was on my way back, I ran in Mile in the marketplace. She was carrying an umbrella, and noticing I was soaked from head to toe, she chattered something in a language I didn't understand, and gave me her umbrella. umbrella"No, no" I tried to tell her at first, and handed back the umbrella. She insisted and forced the umbrella back into my hands, and them pulled her jacket over her head. I accepted her gift, and thanked her kindly. She spent the rest of the time shopping with only her jacket pulled over her head, and came home sopping wet. When I'd gotten back to the room she had again made me dinner. She gave me a loaf of bread, dates, and a stick of meat which seemed to be some kind of jerky with a side of raw chives. I ate the bread and dates, and a little of the meat, but it was really fatty, so I had trouble getting it down. Mile's been amazingly decent to me these couple days, I'm almost sad I'm leaving in the morning.

Tomorrow I'll begin my journey to Budapest, Hungary. Hopefully it may take all day and night, so we'll see what kind of adventure it turns into. Leave me comments, emails, I love hearing from you all, and it's encouraging to read them and know I'm not doing this alone.
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